Ladies, Slut Shaming Can Come From Anywhere

December 21, 2015 – Be Careful Ladies, Your Slut Shaming Can Come From Anywhere
by Coleen Singer at Sssh.com Porn For Women

I thought I had found a friend in him. A new friend, with a nice guy. He was so sweet. When I was in between homes before moving into my new flat, he offered his flat up to me – even though he wasn’t in the city. He said he would mail me his keys. We were friends, and in a new city filled with unfamiliar faces, a new friend is always appreciated – especially one that was kind too.

He knew I was a sex writer, seemed to be cool with it. I talk about sex openly, not only because I love talking about it but mainly because I want to demystify talking about sex. It shouldn’t be this taboo thing we giggle with our girlfriends about. We should be able to talk about it openly and without guilt, judgement or shame – the same as you would talk about anything really. This isn’t always a simple task as I would’ve imagined. Talk about sex casually and men will most likely think you’re either a) Hitting on them; b) Will sleep with anyone. Women will most likely think a) You’re a slut; b) Trying to sleep with their men. Not all men and women of course. But many.

Open-minded lad
He seemed cool with it though. We would screen capture funny Tinder profiles to send to each other. Or pick Tinder dates and dare each other to go on them. We talked openly about sex and dating and past relationships. Just as friends do. Friendship wise, this was going great.

Until of course that one time he tried to go home with me. I said, “No.” He sulked for a few days. We were both drunk, so I gave him a pass, because, alcohol. The things got a little weird. Just a tad bit at first, I hardly noticed. A sly phrase thrown in when I was going on a date – “Well, he gets your time.”

When things took a turn
Then there was the porn film festival (Yes that’s a thing), and I asked him to come along to watch some films. These were more artsy films, or political in nature, it wasn’t the usual wham-bam-thank-you-mam of usual porn films. And his response shocked me.

“God, you’re obsessed!” he wrote in Whatsapp.
“With what? Sex?” I replied, hoping he’d say anything but…
“Yes!”
“I’m a sex writer, what do you expect?”
“Haha! I’m kidding!” he deflected. A quick glimpse into his psyche, and then it was gone. I should’ve taken notice but he apologized and I wanted to believe he was not that guy. He reined it in, and things went on as usual.

We are more than friends?
Of course it wouldn’t stay that way! Duh. Later that week he tried kissing me and when I refused and firmly stated that we’re just friends, he told me he didn’t believe me. Because according to him, he felt something between us. Basically he wanted to bang me, and my not wanting it was getting in his way. I don’t know why the signs that were clearing blaring a red and loud, “Get out! Get out now!!” didn’t phase me. Probably because of the past months of hanging out and the good times we had, I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. He seemed mature and if I could salvage the friendship, I wanted to.

That slut call
A week later, we were planning for the weekend. I had a party on Saturday and he wanted to see me Sunday for a walk (we did this quite often). Knowing I might end up hungover on Sunday, I told him, “I dunno about Sunday! Depends on how Saturday goes!” I would be down for a walk if I weren’t hungover, but if I were, then I’d prefer to just eat lots of carbs and hibernate with Netflix (who wouldn’t?).

His response?

“You’re such a slut! Not. lol”

This is when my brain finally clicked on (gee thanks brain). This man was slut shaming me because I didn’t want to sleep with him. He imagined me going to a party and fucking everyone but him and that pissed him off, because somehow I owed him sex for being nice to me?

I stopped talking to him after that. He apologized again and again. But even his apology was annoying. He thought he hurt my feelings. You didn’t hurt my feelings fool! You annoyed me! You overstepped. You put on your Mr. Nice Guy mask and pretended to be a good friend and when you didn’t get what you wanted, you thought you’d bring me down a peg or two by first passive aggressively trying to shame me, then out-rightly calling me a slut and then trying to brush it off as a joke.

No shame in the sex game
I know what I do, and I choose to do it because I love what I do. I see no shame in liking sex, in thinking that it is a normal part of life. Whether I want to have sex daily, all the time, with everyone, or not, is no ones business but my own. And I most certainly don’t need a baby-like, immature, passive aggressive, man-boy trying to manipulate me to fuck him.
Basically ladies, what i’m trying to say here in my long winded way is, don’t let assholes like these take away your shine. Be vigilant with people (both men and women do this) who will likely throw shade at you, overtly or covertly because they’re not getting something they want out of you. They want to bend your will to suit theirs. Don’t let them. Go out and be free to fuck! Amen.

About The Author:

Coleen Singer is a writer, photographer, film editor and all-around geeky gal at Sssh.com, where she often waxes eloquent about sex, porn, sex toys, censorship, the literary and pandering evils of Fifty Shades of Grey and other topics not likely to be found on the Pulitzer Prize shortlist. She is also the editor and curator of EroticScribes.com. When she is not doing all of the above, Singer is an amateur stock-car racer and enjoys modifying vintage 1970s cars for the racetrack. Oh, she also likes porn.

Check out the best porn for women and couples by smart and horny author, film editor & photographer Coleen Singer at Sssh.com!  With the top erotic site for couples and women as featured in ABC Nightline… Explore your naughty side in a safe and erotic place where you can feel free to admit you’re horny and want sex!  Don’t worry we’ll keep your dirty little secret… Sssh!

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View all the articles written by sex author Coleen Singer or see more from Sssh.

Are Women Really Hornier In Our 30’s? – Irony, Thy Name Is…. Jackie Collins?

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Are We Really Hornier In Our 30’s?

September 18, 2015 – Are Women Really Hornier In Their 30’s? – Sexy editorial by Coleen Singer from Sssh.com – Porn For Women and Couples

So, I’ve been in my ‘30s’ for a couple of years now and for the past few years I’ve noticed a change in my body when it comes to sex. And by that, I mean, I’m horny like, all the fucking time. It didn’t start out that way, I had my regular sex drive when I first turned 30, but then as the years creeped up, I notice that I am just turned on a lot more. In fact when it’s the time of the month when I’m ovulating (or during that ‘fertile’ week) my horniness gets ramped up to level 100.

In my 20s I used to be more discerning about whom I slept with. He had to have certain qualities and sexiness for me to get undressed. Now, any dude that is attractive and isn’t a jerk is good enough for me to bed. Yup. I’m slutty as hell, I would definitely make my 20 year-old self blush and frown in disapproval, and I’m ok with that.

Thanks to Tinder, I can now have my pick of men – and yeah I love Tinder – though I did have to change my age to get actual swipes! Sad I know. But who cares right? I’m good in bed, and those men are getting a treat.

So I notice that in my last few dates I am literally staring at their lips because I am just aching to kiss them. Its gotten so bad that when I realized I didn’t want to fuck one of my Tinder dates, I felt relieved. Like, “Phew! Not broken!” I still have some discernment.

It’s like my body is going, “Girl, better get yourself pregnant and start popping out them babies! Time’s running out!” and then cranked up the horniness so I would just get anyone’s sperm to impregnate me. Thank god for condoms and birth control.

I can’t say I regret anything – except that at this rate I also have a lot more bad sex. I am actually quite appalled at how bad some men are at sex. It’s amazing. You have one job, pump, and you have no rhythm? I mean, you’ve been having sex for quite a while I’m assuming. Aside from that, I am thoroughly enjoying the feeling of being turned on. It is so delicious and so… moist.

A guy friend of mine in his late 30s actually complained that his girlfriend (in her early 30s) wanted sex all the time. He said that he was just tired but she wanted to fuck always, so much so he thought maybe she was trying to ‘overcompensate’ or something – his words not mine. Seeing that at the time I was still in my 20s, I thought agreed with him because what did I know. Now that I’m at that age too I totally understand her. I want to bone all the time too.

If you’re in your 20s, I’m sure you’re having a ball of a time, but just wait till you’re in your 30s ladies. It will sneak up on you and hit you like a sledgehammer. And suddenly you’ll be the horniest dog in the room. Enjoy every minute of it!

About The Author:

Coleen Singer is a writer, photographer, film editor and all-around geeky gal at Sssh.com, where she often waxes eloquent about sex, porn, sex toys, censorship, the literary and pandering evils of Fifty Shades of Grey and other topics not likely to be found on the Pulitzer Prize shortlist. She is also the editor and curator of EroticScribes.com. When she is not doing all of the above, Singer is an amateur stock-car racer and enjoys modifying vintage 1970s cars for the racetrack. Oh, she also likes porn.

Check out the best porn for women and couples by smart and horny author, film editor & photographer Coleen Singer at Sssh.com!  With the top erotic site for couples and women as featured in ABC Nightline… Explore your naughty side in a safe and erotic place where you can feel free to admit you’re horny and want sex!  Don’t worry we’ll keep your dirty little secret… Sssh!

Return to the cover of Porn Corporation magazine or view the new Adult Industry category.

Previous article written by Coleen Singer: Irony, Thy Name Is…. Jackie Collins?

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Irony, Thy Name Is…. Jackie Collins?

September 2, 2015 – Coleen Singer, Sssh.com Porn For Women

When it comes to literary genres, ‘romance’ novels have never been my cup of tea. As an admittedly hopeless sci-fi nerd girl, my idea of a quality love scene involves Captain Kirk tumbling into bed with a sultry green alien babe as everything is quickly going to shit back on the Enterprise, which is hovering in orbit fighting off Klingons or something, patiently waiting for its Captain to bust a nut and beam the fuck back up.

It’s not that I’m opposed to the romance or erotic literary genres, I’ve just found myself bored by the few novels from those genres I’ve tried to read – and downright resentful of those I was required to read along the way through my liberal arts education.

Whatever I might think about erotic and/or romantic novels, I’m still inclined to defend those genres from their harsher critics, if only because I’m a staunch supporter of the idea people should be allowed to read/watch (and write/depict) whatever fool bullshit they wish. I feel this way whether I think the work in question is wonderfully entertaining bullshit, like Star Trek, or seriously stomach-turning, cliché, horrible bullshit, like every “best seller” novel available for purchase in the same aisle as the greeting cards down the hill at Safeway.

So, when I read an article quoting Jackie Collins, the author probably most strongly associated with the romance and erotic genres of any living writer, panning Fifty Shades of Grey as “degrading” to women and openly questioning whether anyone is really into the sort of sex depicted in the book, my well-tuned Irony Detector started screaming like someone was flogging it with a cat o’ nine tails.

Hmmm…. This Sounds Familiar

In taking shots at E.L. James’ trilogy, Collins not only takes issue with the depiction of sex therein, but at the very idea the books have resonated with women because of some latent, unexplored interest in BDSM.

“No woman really enjoys that unless she’s really into that kind of thing, so your average ‘mummy’ is not going to be thrilled,” Collins said. “She’s only doing it to please a guy and the guy will soon get bored with it.”

As much as I love it when famous women speak for the rest of us like they have some innate insight into billions of individuals by virtue of having a similar chromosomal alignment, I have to wonder if Jackie thought about what she was saying at all before saying it.

If the “average mummy” isn’t at all curious about BDSM and other ‘kinky’ sex forms, who the fuck is buying all these copies of Shades? Long-haul truckers in search of a good page-turner to read out on the highway? Shark Tank contestants looking for some tips on how to be more assertive in their business relationships?

What really strikes me about Collins’ comments, though, is how familiar they are – because people have often said similar things about her work, especially in the early days of her career. When Collins’ first novel, The World Is Full of Married Men, was published, a more established romance writer (Barbara Cartland) described the book as “nasty, filthy and disgusting,” for example, and the book actually got banned in a couple countries which seemed to agree with Dame Cartland.

Obviously, the early negative press didn’t hurt the rest of Collins’ career, as there’s little better in terms of publicity for a work of commercial literature than to be banned in small, ancillary markets while still being available for purchase in its primary markets. (Don’t take my word for it; ask Khaled Hosseini.)

Even so, it’s a little disappointing to hear Collins take such shots at Fifty Shades, in part because they come off sounding a tad bitter – like Collins doesn’t appreciate having a challenger to her popular erotic novel-writing throne, perhaps.

My Sex Scenes Are Way Hotter; Just Ask Me!

While Collins was careful to couch her comments as something other than ripping on James (“Good for her because she’s sold a lot of books,” says Collins), I detected more than a hint of “but….” following her underhanded compliment.

“She’s not doing anything new,” Collins noted. “People say to me: ‘Your sex is much hotter’ and I say: “I know!”

On top of the fact I’ve never found entirely unsourced praise a particularly compelling form of endorsement (“Coleen Singer is a brilliant writer,” says an anonymous reviewer who apparently spoke to Coleen in some unknown context…), my hunch is that if “people” really are saying such things to Collins, those people are among her readers, fans, literary agents and promotional people.

To me, this is a bit like Michael Crichton’s wife telling him he’s way better than George R.R. Martin will ever be; even if you’re of the opinion the statement is true, who gives a shit?

The Truth Is, They Both Kinda Suck – But That’s OK

While I realize it’s unfair to be too critical of works I’ve not read, I don’t feel like I’m out of line calling both James and Collins mediocre (at best) writers. To be clear, I’m not suggesting I’m a better writer than either of them – but you get to read my shit for free, so you can’t complain about the price, at least.

When I say Collins and James are mediocre writers, I’m judging them to be so against the likes of Wharton, Brontë, Austen, Dickinson, etc. Maybe it’s not a fair comparison, but if you want to crack the list of top female authors kicking around my brain, those are the formidable women you’re up against, because those are the ones on which I cut my literary teeth.

That said, being a great writer isn’t really necessary to write a good book; it might be necessary to writing a great novel, but to cook up something good – something entertaining, fun, engaging and worth reading to millions of people – you don’t have to be “great,” just willing and able to put in the time to commit your concepts to the page.

By that measure, even though I’ve never read a complete work by either of them, Collins and James both have written good books. They’ve provided millions of people with hours and hours of entertainment, which is more than my writing will ever do, in all likelihood.

Personally, I’d just prefer that Collins offer her younger peer a little more “Good for you!” and a lot less “But…..”

About The Author:

Coleen Singer is a writer, photographer, film editor and all-around geeky gal at Sssh.com, where she often waxes eloquent about sex, porn, sex toys, censorship, the literary and pandering evils of Fifty Shades of Grey and other topics not likely to be found on the Pulitzer Prize shortlist. She is also the editor and curator of EroticScribes.com. When she is not doing all of the above, Singer is an amateur stock-car racer and enjoys modifying vintage 1970s cars for the racetrack. Oh, she also likes porn.

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