Ladies, Slut Shaming Can Come From Anywhere

December 21, 2015 – Be Careful Ladies, Your Slut Shaming Can Come From Anywhere
by Coleen Singer at Sssh.com Porn For Women

I thought I had found a friend in him. A new friend, with a nice guy. He was so sweet. When I was in between homes before moving into my new flat, he offered his flat up to me – even though he wasn’t in the city. He said he would mail me his keys. We were friends, and in a new city filled with unfamiliar faces, a new friend is always appreciated – especially one that was kind too.

He knew I was a sex writer, seemed to be cool with it. I talk about sex openly, not only because I love talking about it but mainly because I want to demystify talking about sex. It shouldn’t be this taboo thing we giggle with our girlfriends about. We should be able to talk about it openly and without guilt, judgement or shame – the same as you would talk about anything really. This isn’t always a simple task as I would’ve imagined. Talk about sex casually and men will most likely think you’re either a) Hitting on them; b) Will sleep with anyone. Women will most likely think a) You’re a slut; b) Trying to sleep with their men. Not all men and women of course. But many.

Open-minded lad
He seemed cool with it though. We would screen capture funny Tinder profiles to send to each other. Or pick Tinder dates and dare each other to go on them. We talked openly about sex and dating and past relationships. Just as friends do. Friendship wise, this was going great.

Until of course that one time he tried to go home with me. I said, “No.” He sulked for a few days. We were both drunk, so I gave him a pass, because, alcohol. The things got a little weird. Just a tad bit at first, I hardly noticed. A sly phrase thrown in when I was going on a date – “Well, he gets your time.”

When things took a turn
Then there was the porn film festival (Yes that’s a thing), and I asked him to come along to watch some films. These were more artsy films, or political in nature, it wasn’t the usual wham-bam-thank-you-mam of usual porn films. And his response shocked me.

“God, you’re obsessed!” he wrote in Whatsapp.
“With what? Sex?” I replied, hoping he’d say anything but…
“Yes!”
“I’m a sex writer, what do you expect?”
“Haha! I’m kidding!” he deflected. A quick glimpse into his psyche, and then it was gone. I should’ve taken notice but he apologized and I wanted to believe he was not that guy. He reined it in, and things went on as usual.

We are more than friends?
Of course it wouldn’t stay that way! Duh. Later that week he tried kissing me and when I refused and firmly stated that we’re just friends, he told me he didn’t believe me. Because according to him, he felt something between us. Basically he wanted to bang me, and my not wanting it was getting in his way. I don’t know why the signs that were clearing blaring a red and loud, “Get out! Get out now!!” didn’t phase me. Probably because of the past months of hanging out and the good times we had, I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. He seemed mature and if I could salvage the friendship, I wanted to.

That slut call
A week later, we were planning for the weekend. I had a party on Saturday and he wanted to see me Sunday for a walk (we did this quite often). Knowing I might end up hungover on Sunday, I told him, “I dunno about Sunday! Depends on how Saturday goes!” I would be down for a walk if I weren’t hungover, but if I were, then I’d prefer to just eat lots of carbs and hibernate with Netflix (who wouldn’t?).

His response?

“You’re such a slut! Not. lol”

This is when my brain finally clicked on (gee thanks brain). This man was slut shaming me because I didn’t want to sleep with him. He imagined me going to a party and fucking everyone but him and that pissed him off, because somehow I owed him sex for being nice to me?

I stopped talking to him after that. He apologized again and again. But even his apology was annoying. He thought he hurt my feelings. You didn’t hurt my feelings fool! You annoyed me! You overstepped. You put on your Mr. Nice Guy mask and pretended to be a good friend and when you didn’t get what you wanted, you thought you’d bring me down a peg or two by first passive aggressively trying to shame me, then out-rightly calling me a slut and then trying to brush it off as a joke.

No shame in the sex game
I know what I do, and I choose to do it because I love what I do. I see no shame in liking sex, in thinking that it is a normal part of life. Whether I want to have sex daily, all the time, with everyone, or not, is no ones business but my own. And I most certainly don’t need a baby-like, immature, passive aggressive, man-boy trying to manipulate me to fuck him.
Basically ladies, what i’m trying to say here in my long winded way is, don’t let assholes like these take away your shine. Be vigilant with people (both men and women do this) who will likely throw shade at you, overtly or covertly because they’re not getting something they want out of you. They want to bend your will to suit theirs. Don’t let them. Go out and be free to fuck! Amen.

About The Author:

Coleen Singer is a writer, photographer, film editor and all-around geeky gal at Sssh.com, where she often waxes eloquent about sex, porn, sex toys, censorship, the literary and pandering evils of Fifty Shades of Grey and other topics not likely to be found on the Pulitzer Prize shortlist. She is also the editor and curator of EroticScribes.com. When she is not doing all of the above, Singer is an amateur stock-car racer and enjoys modifying vintage 1970s cars for the racetrack. Oh, she also likes porn.

Check out the best porn for women and couples by smart and horny author, film editor & photographer Coleen Singer at Sssh.com!  With the top erotic site for couples and women as featured in ABC Nightline… Explore your naughty side in a safe and erotic place where you can feel free to admit you’re horny and want sex!  Don’t worry we’ll keep your dirty little secret… Sssh!

Return to the cover of Porn Corporation magazine or view the new Adult Industry category.

Related recent adult industry features:  Interview With Angie Rowntree Of Sssh.com

View all the articles written by sex author Coleen Singer or see more from Sssh.

Are Women Really Hornier In Our 30’s? – Irony, Thy Name Is…. Jackie Collins?

Need more juicy content?  Read our Porn News – Pornstar Interviews or New Porn Sites!

Feeling naughty this week in the holiday spirit?  Check out all our Christmas Porn!

Interview With Angie Rowntree Of Sssh.com

Angie Rowntree sat down with Porn Corporation correspondent Ashley Von for an in depth and intimate 1 on 1 interview on her creation of Sssh, the leading porn site for women and couples, business in the adult industry and sex talk on women!

Ashley Von:  Angie Rowntree, You’re one of the pioneers in creating an erotic site for women by women that also prides itself in being authentic couple friendly porn. How and when did Sssh.com come into creation?

Angie Rowntree:  I launched Sssh.com in 1999, for a very simple reason: When I looked around the web at all the different porn sites, and looked around the adult video market at all the different titles and series, I didn’t see much which would appeal to women. Back then, most people didn’t think there was any such thing as a market for “porn for women,” but I didn’t believe them. I thought the problem wasn’t women don’t want to watch porn; to me the problem was not enough people were making porn which would appeal to women. If we give women a reason to watch, something they want to watch, and they will watch; that’s how I approached it.

From the start, I knew it might be a mistake to create content based solely on what appealed to me, so I began surveying members and asking them for feedback right away. I’ve stuck with this approach for 16 years now, because it works. Our movies and content are 100% based on the fantasies and desires of our members.

Ashley Von:  Sssh isn’t just “porn for women” and doesn’t play on just one angle of eroticism. Can you please tell me more about the community within Sssh and what it stands for?

Angie Rowntree:  At its core, the Sssh community is all about communication. Users and members communicate what they want to see to me as a filmmaker. We then create that fantasy as faithfully as possible and make it come to life. It’s the same way we approach all of our content, not just movies. We aspire to make Sssh a site that our members have a hand in creating.

A lot of our members watch as couples, so while I’ve definitely tailored the site to appeal to women, it’s not like men don’t get a say in what I make; I listen to their feedback, too, especially when it’s coming in the context of feedback about what both members of the couple want to see.

Ashley Von:  When you are filming, how does Sssh create the erotic romance that comes through on screen to make the chemistry pop in your movies? Are the actors and actresses real couples?

Angie Rowntree:  As often as possible, I do use real couples. There’s something about the intimacy and the partners’ knowledge of each other in a couple which really translates onto film and makes for a very compelling sex scene.

When I can’t use a real-life couple, I look for performers who have worked together before and who enjoy working together. I want the whole experience to be fun for everyone, performers and viewers alike – so it just makes sense to do everything I can to make sure everyone is happy to be there and happy to be working with each other.

Frankly, fun is something I think is missing from a lot of porn. For some reason, a lot of directors seem to think it isn’t sexy for people to smile or laugh during sex, but to me, if the performers are clearly enjoying themselves, it makes it that much easier for the viewers to enjoy too.

At the most fundamental level, this is really what I’m trying to convey in my movies: Mutual pleasure. Not just pleasure for one member of the couple or another, but pleasure for both of them, and to communicate that each of them cares about the other one having a good time. They aren’t just “getting off;” they’re getting off together. To me, there’s a BIG difference between those two things.

Ashley Von:  A widespread misconception is that porn is created just for men. Statistically speaking, I am a woman and so are you and I think it’s safe to say we both watch adult movies. So we are batting a thousand here. Do you think that all women masturbate and how many women would you estimate actually watch porn?

Angie Rowntree:  I’m always hesitant to use the word “all” because it’s such a big, inclusive word. Having said that, I think just about all people masturbate, be they men or women. As for what percentage of women watch porn, I have no idea. My offhand bet is the percentage is higher among younger women, just because the social stigma attached to being a woman who watches porn seems to have eroded a bit over recent years, but hard, reliable data is tough to come by, so it’s very difficult to say what the percentages are, or whether I’m correct in my guess.

One thing is for sure, though: A lot more women are watching porn these days than anybody believed would ever watch porn back when I launched Sssh.com. Back then, everybody thought I was nuts for believing there was even a market for porn among women.

Ashley Von:  When you watch porn what kind of adult content is your personal favorite?

Angie Rowntree:  Honestly, I just don’t get to watch porn very often these days, because I’m simply too busy making movies and managing the day to day operations of my company. When I do watch, my favorite directors definitely include Candida Royalle and Jacky St. James, who also happen to be two of the most intelligent, eloquent and insightful women to ever step behind the camera on a porn set. I also enjoy my husband’s movies, BDSM has a beauty and erotism to it that I love.

Ashley Von:  Do you think most women who watch erotic movies watch them alone or with their partners?

Angie Rowntree:  Based on our surveys and member feedback, it’s really very mixed – and again, we do see variation which seems to correlate with the age of the viewers. Among women over 30, the percentage watching with a partner is higher than women under 30, and if you think about it, that makes intuitive sense, in part because among couples who have been together longer, I think there’s more comfort in approaching the whole subject of watching porn together, because the relationship is more established.

Ashley Von:  Angie, you are married to Colin Rowntree, creator of Wasteland. A BDSM porn site and you have created the #1 erotic site for women, Sssh.com. Together you are trailblazers in the adult industry. How long have you been married and what do you believe makes a successful marriage?

Angie Rowntree:  Colin and I have been married for 20 years. I’m no expert, and I’m not sure the same things work for every couple, but I can certainly tell you what makes our marriage successful: Mutual respect, shared interests and open communication. If you have those three things, I think you’ve always got a good chance to create something really special and lasting.

Ashley Von:  How important in a marriage do you think it is to continue exploring your sexuality together and what role does watching couple friendly porn take in that?

Angie Rowntree:  For me, it has been important – but just as there’s no “one size fits all” approach which is guaranteed to work when you’re making porn for women, there’s probably no such thing as an ideal approach to exploring your sexuality as a couple, either. For example, if the woman in a couple wants to watch porn but her husband isn’t comfortable with the idea, it’s not necessarily the best idea to keep trying to overcome his reticence.

It all comes down to people communicating with each other honestly and openly. Once you’ve had the conversation, if both of you like the idea of watching porn together, and you share common tastes and fantasies, it can be a wonderful enhancement to a couple’s sex life. But watching porn is not for everyone; if you get the idea it’s not for your partner, rather than trying to talk them into doing it, it might be best to just let it drop and leave porn as something you watch on your own.

Ashley Von:  If a man wants to introduce watching erotic movies with his wife how should he go about it? When watching porn with your girlfriend or wife for the first time, what are the faux pas?

Angie Rowntree:  It has to start with a conversation, and probably should be approached with caution, as well. I’d suggest a guy start by talking around the idea of watching porn together. Rather than straight out asking if she wants to watch porn with you, ask what she thinks about couples who watch porn together – and try to make sure that question comes up organically, not out of the blue while you’re talking about utility bills or something. If she reacts negatively and says she thinks porn is disgusting, you might want to just drop it right there. If she’s more open to the idea, or better yet, reveals it is something she has done before and enjoyed, then you can further explore the possibility.

When it comes to taking a shot at watching porn together for the first time, the number one thing I’d say is to get a good idea of what she doesn’t want to see before you fire up the video. The last thing you want to do is make that first experience something uncomfortable or unpleasant for her, because if you do, it will probably be both the first and last time you watch porn with her.

Ashley Von:  It’s time for girl talk… sex toys & lingerie! What sex toy would you recommend to your female members as a must have?

Angie Rowntree:  Hmmm…. Well, again, it’s important to remember we’re all individuals, so what I recommend might be loved by one woman and totally freak out the next. With that caveat in mind, I’m a big proponent of “Rabbit” vibrators. Some women I’ve talked to have been a bit taken aback by the initial appearance, but once they put them into use, they forget all about what it looks like and can’t get enough of how it makes them feel.

They are so many devices and toys out there these days, I can’t even keep track. I might have to do a #SexTalkTuesday on this subject so I can get some advice, myself, and catch up with the latest gizmos! ☺

Ashley Von:  If one of your member’s partner’s wants to buy his wife or girlfriend sex toys or lingerie, what would you tell them to avoid? Please give our male readers a hint on what women like and what women don’t want!

Angie Rowntree:  My advice? Since I’m such an advocate of communication, this isn’t going to come as a surprise: Before you buy anything, talk to her about sex toys and lingerie. You might find she has definite likes or dislikes – or you might find that if you had come home with a sex toy as a fun surprise, you’d be sleeping on the couch for a week.

I know it sounds like a cop-out, but the truth is there’s just no such thing as ‘what women want.’ Just like men, we’re complicated creatures, individuals who vary greatly in our personalities, tastes and desires. To me, the biggest mistake a man can make is to think because one woman he knows likes something, every woman he encounters will like that same thing. Any man who has had sex with more than a few women should already know this; just because one of them thinks he’s a real Casanova, it doesn’t mean the next one is going to swoon every time he touches her.

We’re not Volkswagens; there’s just no such thing as universal sexual apparatus which makes all women’s engines purr the same way. 😉

Ashley Von:  Angie, as the creator of Sssh, erotic website and community for women that bases it’s updates and content on what your member’s want; you must get a feel for what turns girls on. What do you think are the biggest turn-ons for women?

Angie Rowntree:  I’ve been a broken record with the “it depends” responses in this interview, so instead of repeating myself on that, I’m going to generalize a bit here. ☺

The number one thing women tell me they want to see sex being enjoyed, not the depiction of a woman to whom sex is happening to.

What I shoot for in my movies, regardless of the sex acts involved, is presenting sex which isn’t just enjoyable to watch, but which is actually enjoyable for the performers at the time of filming. Granted, there are things you have to do during filming which we don’t deal with in our real sex lives – like stopping so the camera can be repositioned, or the lights adjusted – but the goal is to make the sex as “real” as possible with minimal interruptions.

I believe this is what women like about Sssh; I ‘keep it real,’ so to speak.

As for specific sex acts and preferences, our surveys indicate women generally prefer less in the way of close-up penetration shots than is typical in porn and could do without seeing semen all over women’s faces at the end of the scene. This isn’t to say there are no women who like to see those things, but in general, this is what our data shows.

Ashley Von:  Of course, nothing is set in stone. Every woman and couple is different and can enjoy exploring new and different things and decide later if they like them or not. In general though, what you believe are the biggest turn offs to women that men think are actually arousing their partners?

Angie Rowntree:  I’ll refer back to my previous answer a bit here and say, in general, women aren’t as wild about “facials”. Whether the misconception is really driven by how common facials are in porn, or just by wishful thinking on the part of men who’d like to give it a try, I’m not sure.

Beyond that, there are also things a lot of women do like, but which any given man just might not be as adept at as he thinks. Cunnilingus, for instance; we all know it can be amazing when it’s done right, but can be downright disappointing, even highly irritating, when done wrong.

Ashley Von:  Dirty talk. Do women love it or hate it? Please guide our readers through the art of making sensual dirty talk in the bedroom that can appeal to a woman who doesn’t usually enjoy dirty talk.

Angie Rowntree:  When it comes to women and dirty talk, some absolutely love it, others might kick you out of bed, get dressed, leave your house and never come back. 😉

My advice with dirty talk is to ease into it, for sure, and don’t just jump in there and start calling your girlfriend a slut, or aggressively giving her commands on what to do. This is just too likely to backfire. Trying to get a sense of what a woman likes, on the other hand, is probably always going to be appreciated, or at least not strongly objected to.

Just don’t jump right to “Yeaaaah, you like that, don’t you bitch?” Maybe lead with “Tell me what you like; I want to make you cum,” or something like that, and just see if she’s inclined to respond. A lot of times, lovers who like to be talked to also like to do some dirty talking of their own, so if she doesn’t seem comfortable telling you what she’s into, she might not want to hear much coming from your mouth during sex, either.

Ashley Von:  Let’s talk business. You’re a successful entrepreneur and Sssh is booming! Your site has been featured in Cosmo, Elle Magazine, Glamour, ABC Nightline, CNBC, The Examiner, Psychology Today, Time and BBC to name only a few. Did you ever expect Sssh to get this popular?

Angie Rowntree:  I’ve always believed there was a strong market for porn among women; someone just needed to make the right kind of porn.

My hope for the future is that Sssh will continue to grow and evolve, as a website and as a brand, gathering a bigger and bigger audience along the way.

Ashley Von:  Please tell us about your upcoming events, business plans and career aspirations. Are you currently working on any projects that you can let us in on?

Angie Rowntree:  I have a number of new projects in the works, including the most ambitious movie I’ve made so far, called Gone, which was released on September 25. I’m really proud of the work both the creative team, crew and actors have put in. The script is just remarkable; it’s not going to be just a good porn movie, it’s going to be a good movie by any measure.

*Look out for the upcoming Porn Corporation review on the highly acclaimed Gone movie from Sssh!*

In January, there’s a novel coming out in which the protagonist works at Sssh, and I’m really excited about that, as well. Sssh will be the backdrop and context of the whole story, so it’s more than just a location or a detail about the main character’s professional life; it’s really central to the theme of the book, as well.

Ashley Von:  Let’s leave on a fun question, the signature touch we ask all the pornstars that we interview. Angie Rowntree, if you were ice cream what flavor would you be?

Angie Rowntree:  You know, when most people think of vanilla, they have this idea like it’s the most basic, plain, uninteresting flavor in the world. But, in reality, vanilla is incredibly exotic, wonderfully varied, rich and deep. The more you find out about vanilla, the less plain it seems. It’s also the second most expensive spice in the world (behind saffron) – another thing people don’t know about vanilla.

I like to think I’m a little like vanilla. To those who have no idea what I do for a living, I’m just some nice person who lives up the street. They probably think I’m a homemaker with a dull, routine life, married to some similarly bland office-worker who’s responsible for bringing home the bacon and paying all the bills. It’s only once you look a little closer that you realize there’s a bit more to me than meets the eye.

Ashley Von:  Is there anything else you would like to share with our readers?

Angie Rowntree:  More than any government regulation or social stigma, the biggest problem facing the adult industry today is online piracy. I don’t really blame individual users for taking advantage of the fact there’s so much free porn out there on the web, but what a lot of viewers might not realize is so much of this free porn was posted by people who pirated it, not by the legitimate copyright owners. Piracy is simply killing the adult industry; so many of my friends and peers have gone out of business in the last 6-8 years that it’s mindboggling. Others have survived but are struggling.

It wasn’t at all this way 10 years ago, much less 20 years ago when I first got involved in the industry, and rampant piracy is the reason. I simply can’t stress this enough: piracy isn’t just a reason the adult entertainment industry is suffering so badly as a business sector right now, it’s the reason.

Please respect the studios and performers that make these movies for your enjoyment and pay for your porn.

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Are We Really Hornier In Our 30’s?

September 18, 2015 – Are Women Really Hornier In Their 30’s? – Sexy editorial by Coleen Singer from Sssh.com – Porn For Women and Couples

So, I’ve been in my ‘30s’ for a couple of years now and for the past few years I’ve noticed a change in my body when it comes to sex. And by that, I mean, I’m horny like, all the fucking time. It didn’t start out that way, I had my regular sex drive when I first turned 30, but then as the years creeped up, I notice that I am just turned on a lot more. In fact when it’s the time of the month when I’m ovulating (or during that ‘fertile’ week) my horniness gets ramped up to level 100.

In my 20s I used to be more discerning about whom I slept with. He had to have certain qualities and sexiness for me to get undressed. Now, any dude that is attractive and isn’t a jerk is good enough for me to bed. Yup. I’m slutty as hell, I would definitely make my 20 year-old self blush and frown in disapproval, and I’m ok with that.

Thanks to Tinder, I can now have my pick of men – and yeah I love Tinder – though I did have to change my age to get actual swipes! Sad I know. But who cares right? I’m good in bed, and those men are getting a treat.

So I notice that in my last few dates I am literally staring at their lips because I am just aching to kiss them. Its gotten so bad that when I realized I didn’t want to fuck one of my Tinder dates, I felt relieved. Like, “Phew! Not broken!” I still have some discernment.

It’s like my body is going, “Girl, better get yourself pregnant and start popping out them babies! Time’s running out!” and then cranked up the horniness so I would just get anyone’s sperm to impregnate me. Thank god for condoms and birth control.

I can’t say I regret anything – except that at this rate I also have a lot more bad sex. I am actually quite appalled at how bad some men are at sex. It’s amazing. You have one job, pump, and you have no rhythm? I mean, you’ve been having sex for quite a while I’m assuming. Aside from that, I am thoroughly enjoying the feeling of being turned on. It is so delicious and so… moist.

A guy friend of mine in his late 30s actually complained that his girlfriend (in her early 30s) wanted sex all the time. He said that he was just tired but she wanted to fuck always, so much so he thought maybe she was trying to ‘overcompensate’ or something – his words not mine. Seeing that at the time I was still in my 20s, I thought agreed with him because what did I know. Now that I’m at that age too I totally understand her. I want to bone all the time too.

If you’re in your 20s, I’m sure you’re having a ball of a time, but just wait till you’re in your 30s ladies. It will sneak up on you and hit you like a sledgehammer. And suddenly you’ll be the horniest dog in the room. Enjoy every minute of it!

About The Author:

Coleen Singer is a writer, photographer, film editor and all-around geeky gal at Sssh.com, where she often waxes eloquent about sex, porn, sex toys, censorship, the literary and pandering evils of Fifty Shades of Grey and other topics not likely to be found on the Pulitzer Prize shortlist. She is also the editor and curator of EroticScribes.com. When she is not doing all of the above, Singer is an amateur stock-car racer and enjoys modifying vintage 1970s cars for the racetrack. Oh, she also likes porn.

Check out the best porn for women and couples by smart and horny author, film editor & photographer Coleen Singer at Sssh.com!  With the top erotic site for couples and women as featured in ABC Nightline… Explore your naughty side in a safe and erotic place where you can feel free to admit you’re horny and want sex!  Don’t worry we’ll keep your dirty little secret… Sssh!

Return to the cover of Porn Corporation magazine or view the new Adult Industry category.

Previous article written by Coleen Singer: Irony, Thy Name Is…. Jackie Collins?

Read Opinions & Editorials Written By Pornstars in Porn Corporation Girls.

Looking for more juicy content?  Read our Pornstar Interviews or Porn News!

Need more naughty gossip?  View all the New Porn Sites released.

Irony, Thy Name Is…. Jackie Collins?

September 2, 2015 – Coleen Singer, Sssh.com Porn For Women

When it comes to literary genres, ‘romance’ novels have never been my cup of tea. As an admittedly hopeless sci-fi nerd girl, my idea of a quality love scene involves Captain Kirk tumbling into bed with a sultry green alien babe as everything is quickly going to shit back on the Enterprise, which is hovering in orbit fighting off Klingons or something, patiently waiting for its Captain to bust a nut and beam the fuck back up.

It’s not that I’m opposed to the romance or erotic literary genres, I’ve just found myself bored by the few novels from those genres I’ve tried to read – and downright resentful of those I was required to read along the way through my liberal arts education.

Whatever I might think about erotic and/or romantic novels, I’m still inclined to defend those genres from their harsher critics, if only because I’m a staunch supporter of the idea people should be allowed to read/watch (and write/depict) whatever fool bullshit they wish. I feel this way whether I think the work in question is wonderfully entertaining bullshit, like Star Trek, or seriously stomach-turning, cliché, horrible bullshit, like every “best seller” novel available for purchase in the same aisle as the greeting cards down the hill at Safeway.

So, when I read an article quoting Jackie Collins, the author probably most strongly associated with the romance and erotic genres of any living writer, panning Fifty Shades of Grey as “degrading” to women and openly questioning whether anyone is really into the sort of sex depicted in the book, my well-tuned Irony Detector started screaming like someone was flogging it with a cat o’ nine tails.

Hmmm…. This Sounds Familiar

In taking shots at E.L. James’ trilogy, Collins not only takes issue with the depiction of sex therein, but at the very idea the books have resonated with women because of some latent, unexplored interest in BDSM.

“No woman really enjoys that unless she’s really into that kind of thing, so your average ‘mummy’ is not going to be thrilled,” Collins said. “She’s only doing it to please a guy and the guy will soon get bored with it.”

As much as I love it when famous women speak for the rest of us like they have some innate insight into billions of individuals by virtue of having a similar chromosomal alignment, I have to wonder if Jackie thought about what she was saying at all before saying it.

If the “average mummy” isn’t at all curious about BDSM and other ‘kinky’ sex forms, who the fuck is buying all these copies of Shades? Long-haul truckers in search of a good page-turner to read out on the highway? Shark Tank contestants looking for some tips on how to be more assertive in their business relationships?

What really strikes me about Collins’ comments, though, is how familiar they are – because people have often said similar things about her work, especially in the early days of her career. When Collins’ first novel, The World Is Full of Married Men, was published, a more established romance writer (Barbara Cartland) described the book as “nasty, filthy and disgusting,” for example, and the book actually got banned in a couple countries which seemed to agree with Dame Cartland.

Obviously, the early negative press didn’t hurt the rest of Collins’ career, as there’s little better in terms of publicity for a work of commercial literature than to be banned in small, ancillary markets while still being available for purchase in its primary markets. (Don’t take my word for it; ask Khaled Hosseini.)

Even so, it’s a little disappointing to hear Collins take such shots at Fifty Shades, in part because they come off sounding a tad bitter – like Collins doesn’t appreciate having a challenger to her popular erotic novel-writing throne, perhaps.

My Sex Scenes Are Way Hotter; Just Ask Me!

While Collins was careful to couch her comments as something other than ripping on James (“Good for her because she’s sold a lot of books,” says Collins), I detected more than a hint of “but….” following her underhanded compliment.

“She’s not doing anything new,” Collins noted. “People say to me: ‘Your sex is much hotter’ and I say: “I know!”

On top of the fact I’ve never found entirely unsourced praise a particularly compelling form of endorsement (“Coleen Singer is a brilliant writer,” says an anonymous reviewer who apparently spoke to Coleen in some unknown context…), my hunch is that if “people” really are saying such things to Collins, those people are among her readers, fans, literary agents and promotional people.

To me, this is a bit like Michael Crichton’s wife telling him he’s way better than George R.R. Martin will ever be; even if you’re of the opinion the statement is true, who gives a shit?

The Truth Is, They Both Kinda Suck – But That’s OK

While I realize it’s unfair to be too critical of works I’ve not read, I don’t feel like I’m out of line calling both James and Collins mediocre (at best) writers. To be clear, I’m not suggesting I’m a better writer than either of them – but you get to read my shit for free, so you can’t complain about the price, at least.

When I say Collins and James are mediocre writers, I’m judging them to be so against the likes of Wharton, Brontë, Austen, Dickinson, etc. Maybe it’s not a fair comparison, but if you want to crack the list of top female authors kicking around my brain, those are the formidable women you’re up against, because those are the ones on which I cut my literary teeth.

That said, being a great writer isn’t really necessary to write a good book; it might be necessary to writing a great novel, but to cook up something good – something entertaining, fun, engaging and worth reading to millions of people – you don’t have to be “great,” just willing and able to put in the time to commit your concepts to the page.

By that measure, even though I’ve never read a complete work by either of them, Collins and James both have written good books. They’ve provided millions of people with hours and hours of entertainment, which is more than my writing will ever do, in all likelihood.

Personally, I’d just prefer that Collins offer her younger peer a little more “Good for you!” and a lot less “But…..”

About The Author:

Coleen Singer is a writer, photographer, film editor and all-around geeky gal at Sssh.com, where she often waxes eloquent about sex, porn, sex toys, censorship, the literary and pandering evils of Fifty Shades of Grey and other topics not likely to be found on the Pulitzer Prize shortlist. She is also the editor and curator of EroticScribes.com. When she is not doing all of the above, Singer is an amateur stock-car racer and enjoys modifying vintage 1970s cars for the racetrack. Oh, she also likes porn.

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